THICKE: This is Ed Thicke.
DULL: And Ted Dull.
THICKE: With a message from the Monolith Brick Company.
DULL: About strong, hard, rectangular…
THICKE: Monolith Bricks.
DULL: Ladies, Monolith Bricks are sturdy and reliable.
THICKE: And now, with Monolith’s new expanded line of products,
you can get them in your choice of two beautiful designer shapes: Wide or Tall.
DULL: Ed, I think the tall one is just a wide one standing on end.
SFX: CLUNK OF BRICK FALLING OVER ON ITS SIDE
THICKE: So it is. Well, I guess Monolith doesn’t offer all that much variety.
But aren’t there lots of great cosmetic and housekeeping uses for these hard, lifeless objects, Ted?
DULL: Could be, Ed. But we don’t really have to get into all that.
THICKE: I guess that’s true. Tell ‘em why, Ted.
DULL: You see, ladies, the Monolith Brick Company has just placed such an obese media buy
that it hardly matters what we say.
THICKE: We thought about just bluntly reading our marketing strategy at you—
DULL: But we don’t even have to do that, let alone capture your imagination or sell you on the benefits,
if there are any, of Monolith Bricks.
THICKE: No, all we have to do is keep hitting you with these boring brick commercials night and day
till you stagger off and buy some.
DULL: And don’t even think about switching stations.
THICKE: No, we’re on every station right now.
DULL: And will be again every five minutes till we reach our sales goals.
THICKE: So you see, ladies, it’s sort of a blackmail situation.
DULL: And it’s truly in your own best interests to think up your own uses for Monolith Bricks.
THICKE: We know you don’t want to hear from us.
DULL: And we don’t particularly like to talk to you.
THICKE: So what it really comes down to is—
DULL: Buy us or we’ll bore you.
THICKE: Say, that’d make a sell tagline, Ted.
DULL: We don’t need one, Ed.
